Annotation Notes: This parody was posted after the end of first season, during the long dry wait for new episodes.
"Tyldus" was the handle used by Steve Sears (X:WP screenwriter) when he dropped into the Xenaverse.

Summer Runneth Over

by Ella Quince

EXTERIOR COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

Xena and Gabrielle are walking down a very faded road, with several different Argos of varying color and assorted gender trailing behind them.

GABRIELLE: (coming to a sudden halt) How odd....

XENA: What's wrong?

GABRIELLE: I had this sudden flashback to leaving Poteidaia and watching you fight Draco.

XENA: Oh, that. I had one of those a few minutes ago. Must be a rerun for all the newbies we picked up over the summer.

GABRIELLE: (shivering) Oooh, I was so cold that night I followed you out of Amphipolis.

XENA: Don't start. That was a long time ago. Besides, I let you stay.

GABRIELLE: Big favor. You threw me a moldy blanket and made me sleep on the other side of the campfire.

XENA: (smiling) It was a start.

GABRIELLE: Hey! I hear something up ahead...like the roar of a crowd, or the pounding of surf.

XENA: Second season. We're almost there.

GABRIELLE: Thank the goddess! I was starting to think we'd be on this road forever.

XENA: (with a wary look up to the sky) Remember what I told you about...

GABRIELLE: Yeah, yeah, I'll act surprised. Or not, if it turns out you actually told me about your son before this episode. I wish we could get more script details ahead of time.

XENA: Tyldus says we act more spontaneous if we don't know what's coming at us.

GABRIELLE: Whatever. But I'm glad you told me now. This way I can always act surprised and hurt that you didn't confide in me, whereas if I really was surprised and hurt I might do something truly spontaneous, like bash your head in with my staff.

XENA: Look, I told you as soon as I knew. Believe me, it was a bit of a shock to find out I'm a mother. You're supposed to be the oracle.

GABRIELLE: (scowling) I think they've forgotten about that, or else I'm a very late bloomer.

XENA: (smiling suggestively) I wouldn't say....

GABRIELLE: Xena! (blushing) I swear, you've been incorrigible ever since ALTARED STATES.

XENA: Yeah, that was fun.

GABRIELLE: I hope we do more of that this coming season and less dying. (takes a deep breath and winces) I'm still sore.

XENA: Sorry.

GABRIELLE: At least I beat on a tree and not on your chest.

XENA: Hey, I said I was sorry.

GABRIELLE: Just my luck, I'll get seasick, too.

XENA: Who said you get to go on the ship?

GABRIELLE: (with fury) Don't tell me I have to stay on shore and guard some clams, because if I can't--

XENA: Whoa! I was just teasing.

GABRIELLE: Very funny! After all, you don't have to hang around lakes or cool your heels in seedy inns.

XENA: (desperately) I heard you get some new clothes this season.

GABRIELLE: (scowling) Not surprising, considering all the knife wounds and blood stains....

XENA: (even more desperately) And a horse!

GABRIELLE: A horse? Really, I get a horse?

XENA: (eyes shifting guiltily) Well, yeah, maybe...it's a possibility. (looks back at the string of Argos grazing by the side of the road) We have plenty to spare.

GABRIELLE: You're lying.

XENA: (shrugging) It was just a rumour.

GABRIELLE: Next you'll be telling me I can get rid of these bangs.

XENA: Let's not rush things. We've got another six seasons to go.

GABRIELLE: (sighing) If we walk faster, do you think we can reach second season any sooner?

XENA: I dunno, but it's worth a try. (whistling) Come on, Argo.

The horses nicker softly, then amble after Xena and Gabrielle as they resume their journey down the road.

FADE TO BLACK